Good News.

 I was sitting around stressing about the pains in
my body due to the stupidity of lifting to much at
the beginning of last week, as an attempt to stop this
going around my head  I phoned my Specialist Nurse, 
for advice on how to proceed with my pelvic floor exercises, 
in the hope I would not make things worse, 
was told things would probably be OK. But take it easy! 
Followed  by the good news my first PSA Blood Test
was  Zero, (His words less than zero,)

Now I've just had this all confirmed at a routine 
Hospital appointment.      

Neglected

The garden is not getting the attention,
its been five long weeks since my operation
for Prostate Cancer, the body is healing
no big scars just little red marks on the body
but in side still a little sore at times
uncomfortable to sit down in the evenings.

The mind is restless not coping with the inactivity
of convalescing, and the lack of control over
life.  I need to be in the driving seat,
They changed my medication to ease things out
a bit, but now feeling worse.  
   

Bus Home

         Stu's View.

Photo taken as the bus started its descent from Barnet
on the journey home last-week after my consultation with my surgeon,
in the very far-distance it was possible just to make out a little of the london sky line
but never got a clear shot with the camera.      

Yellow Paint

Will it stop the unwanted buildup of negativity?

Going to give it a go  

Tuff Times

Really Missing the bike as a means of de-stressing, 

because of the surgery, not going to be able to ride for

another three weeks or so, may be more starting to get

fidgety, if the body stops the mind goes into overdrive

reworking old troubles, trying to read more 

but really need new glasses. 

      

   

Downloading Nirvana, by Glen Byford reviewed

The last ten days,from the beginning of my recovery from a operation

for Prostate Cancer, has been eased along by a book fashioned 

around people close to me, in-fact some very close may even be family,

if I don't sound sure it's because its a work of fiction but the inspiration

is so so familiar, it became like a sudoku puzzle for me,

filling in parts moving them around trying to get it all to add up,

Was it a game show I was on, or a refresher course to brush up my life

skills, I don't know but I feel all the better for reading it.

I shed a few tears and also roared with laughter, for me a moving book,

Well-done  Glen,   

Link....

 Glen Byford. promised an original novel of his own creation,  

Living in the Moment, an aspiration.

The Surgeon performed his part a week ago,

Now I start my recovery, I seem to have

recovery tasks in tandem now,

I remember when work was like this

moving from job to job, more than one a day,

and at weekends,  living in the moment,

no plans just the need to live,

maybe I need to get some of

that life back, the one without the need of a 

backup plan / safety-net, to much thinking

all the time, I don't think its going-to happen  

overnight but lets try, Just now and then.

             

      Freedom is around the next corner!   

We cleared the house of the unwanted junk

But my head still refuses to relinquish its store of tiresome demanding draining thoughts.  

Under the knife

As I prepared this red pepper for our salad
it reminded me of my coming operation
for prostate cancer 

Sweet Freedom

Not every thing in life is all the better for being kept in order,
like this privet hedge if it had been kept within boundaries,
its full potential would not have been reached  delivering 
the sweet heady perfume of flowers,
now draped with the larger flowers and leafs of the Bellbine.
As kids as we squeezed the green bud at the base of the white trumpet
  reciting a little rhyme ending with  granny jump out of bed,
the original words lost to me in the mists if time.

Secrets of Folly Island

The Allotments a nice peaceful plot nestled down 

behind the town of Hertford, where the pace of life

slows to an expectable amble, with the river on one

side lined with a floating community of barges.

Completing the sandwich parkland and a 

sports complex on the other.

Folly Island Link

Found Art

The creative part of me is always on the look out for materials if not for me, maybe to hand on to my son, I pick this up to day, at the time not-really thinking of the connotations. Then at home randomly laid the toy on 
a folder for photographing, this is the result, 
I was surprised how much it reflected my present journey      

I've been there and back

To the limit 

As I push on out 

the whizz of rubber

the flapping of cloth 

warming of muscle 

inflating lungs 

just bumblebee exceleration

to clear the hemmed in fog

cycling to freedom

desperate measures to 

slow the mind 

thats stuck on spin

         *

Yes it did work     

POISONED ?

To achieve the in possible 

I needed a glass, 

my old favorite drinking glass,

it had to be drunk,

one litre of laxative in a hour 

followed by half a litre of water.

all repeated four hours later

all on top of the three day strict diet.

further details I need not go into,

the subsequent hospital visit  went well,

mission accomplished,

powered by dissociation

and pleasant  memories,  

Now the sad news,

fond memories of tasty tipples

associated with my favorite glass 

poisoned, wiped out gone, replaced with

YUCK.      

Was this the early influence of the Batman comics ?

  

Along way down

When the boys started to ride their bikes

many years ago a trip out took us to a 

local hill, on seeing the long steep decline

the boys renamed it Holy Shit Hill,

was this a early influence of 

The Batman comics on their lives.

The second picture is looking down the hill,

the last is looking back up.

Pictures taken last week on one of my

recent trips down memory lane.  

A walk in the park

After a relatively stress free meeting at the hospital
today we walked back to the bus stop on the A10,
byway of  a new root along the green buffer zone
at the side of the London North Circular
and Pymme's Brook. 

Post-Traumatic Growth,

Hold on Tight

Now I'm starting to ride the wave of positive energies 

around me, harness and embrace with vigor 

the people that oozes fun and humor,

As the healing sun starts thawing the cramps of winter,

the shock of cancer slips to the side,

eased by the favorable results of scans and x-rays

now I'm in surgeons hands, 

Mud and negativity must be left behind,

bundled with winter, and dumped  

on the corner in the municipal bin,

Wet and Dry

My eyes are wet, My eyes are dry,

laughs and smiles mingle with distant tunes,

youth is now sitting on the bottom step,

old age grabbing the banister,

over loaded tired joints yearn for sedation 

a kick and punch that smoothes and caresses, 

a guaranteed lift, with a hefty drop,

to the fridge, back at the shop. 

                                    

                                    *

      

Vale House, Hertford

Stu's view May 2013

Vale House set on the the road from Hertford to Bengeo
A large meandering building that in the past has offered support to
people with addictions, a successful stabilisation service giving
hope, the feeling of belonging and achievement to many,
now sitting empty, its self now in much need of care.
  

RUST

The hardest bog I have had to write,

in my profile I jested at the time about

showing a few signs of wear and tear,

well the rust seems now to be visible,

you will need a microscope of some sort

to see it, Cancer, hoping its just a smidgin on

the left side of my prostate,

Still awaiting results of MRI and Bone Scan   

At this stage I'm still not drinking,

hows that ? Well talking to 

supportive family and friends 

also that two year goal.

Now its back to taking one day at a time.

Thanks to everybody for

your support over the last week.

Lots of love from a stronger Stu.   

Two Years Dry, its a Birthday

Holding on to this mile stone,
like a foundation, we can carry on
building it, or go down the pub,
the ground works done now,
to finish the job I'm going to need craftsmen
to hold my hand and whack a few screws in 
as times are tuff.

I'm off its time for a tea now.

Temptation of the tin

We sell it, 

it's just the job,

look next door they sell it,

all the doors are open come on in, 

so many friendly buildings with open arms,

shelfs stacked with that taste good factor,

all I had to do was say no,

No was not in my vocabulary today,

but when you can't say no,

later is safer.

Walk on by. 

  

Look to the sky in wonder

Stu's View.

Daybreak points the direction to reality  

Our world, A Good Start.

And we are off,
its monday dustman day
the week has started, 
stray paper  being whipped
up by the wind,
Mr Fox obtaining quality nosh 
on his daily journey around town,
as our little ones sleep.
all is fine with the world. 
The warm sun kisses the roof tops.
all is fine in my little world,
If you keep your head down
and don't let the mind stray too far. 

    

I've been walking all week

When I say I've been no where special thats not 
exactly true, I've been walking around my home
town, following well worn trails from the past,
climbing over memories, ducking down short cuts,
and its been great because they have all led home.
last night I felt a lot older than my years
when I went to bed, about one hundred and five
it's taken all day to partly recover

Till the next time.   

No need for that language

Looks and feels something like summer at last,
had a nice day in the garden just pottering about,
even got the shorts on, stress to a minimum today
No tics, to knackered even to think just crashed out in bed after, 
No half measures, in fact no measures at-all 
( alcohol that is )  still got that feeling of achievement.

good night all. 

Your opinion is important to us

How did we do? Shit same as last time,
you look surprised, O you've just woken up
daydreaming  for months and months,
my doctor can give you something for that,
hang-on! 
three weeks wait for a appointment,
Never ever had to wait that long in the pub
for a drink, 

Smile its Spring.
 

Marvaless Every Thing Snowbound

Now England is functioning at my speed,
thats just ticking over, hope to get out of this
rut soon.